First ever pre-injury compensation claims flooding in as asteroid heads toward earth:
Until now, in the UK, everyone has been happy with the concept that you have to be injured first before you can obtain compensation. But with the asteroid Apophis hurtling toward earth people are starting to feel that the law needs an overhaul. We spoke to one family man (who wishes to remain anonymous) who said:
"This (the current method of compensation payouts) is a totally outdated. We can now forecast many disasters and the government is just looking to save money. It knows that if my family are all killed by this asteroid that there will be no-one left to claim the compensation for our deaths. This penny-pinching is disgusting really."
The inherent problem according to government experts is that no-one has claimed the rights to the asteroid. A spokesperson for 10 Downing Street confirmed:
"... it is (this government's) position that as we did not discover this asteroid that all compensation claims should be made against the responsible party which at this time we consider to be NASA. The fact that they spend billions on discovering these dangers but no money on how to stop them shows clear negligence on their behalf."
However, the leader of the opposition party has criticised the Prime Minister's lack of involvement in the current debate. At a press conference last week he stated that if his party were to win the next election the first thing they would do in regards to the impending disaster would be to change the classification of asteroid collisions with earth currently know as "acts" of god and move them into "reckless endangerments" by god which is considered a criminal offence in the UK. This would mean that should an asteroid hit the earth, and residents of the UK were injured as a result, then they could claim compensation from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority which was set up to compensate victims of crime in the UK. God was unavailable for comment.
Disclaimer: This article is completely false ... except for the parts that are true, but, probably just like the people involved, I can't remember which parts those are, if any, so best to just take the whole thing as nonsense. †