Osama Bin Laden found in northern Afghanistan - will stand trial in the US:
Osama Bin Laden has been found in a camp just outside of Kabul by a team of six New York lawyers. Bin Laden is the founder of the organization Al-Qaeda which was blamed by the American Government for the September 11th attacks on US buildings in 2001.
After seven years of waiting for US military forces to locate Bin Laden, families of those that died in the Twin Towers collapse turned to the New York based law firm Conner & Mann. We spoke to the wife of one of the victims:
"We needed closure. After seven years you kinda start to figure that finding Osama was not really something the US military was capable of. So we asked Conner & Mann if they would help us sue Osama for the deaths of our relatives."
A move that has paid off with the alleged 9/11 mastermind being captured just 48 hours later. One of the lawyers that was involved in the operation continued the story for us:
"We were keen to take on the job, not just because of the ethical standpoint, but because Osama's organisation and his family (who have close ties with royalty in Saudi Arabia) have huge stockpiles of cash which we feel the relatives of the 9/11 attacks were more entitled to."
Certainly, the cost of the war on terror seems to be a little one sided with the US having paid out over $20million to those injured during the invasion of Iraq but with no money coming from overseas to pay for war deaths in America. The fact that no-one seems to be concerned about this imbalance was noted by the political editor of A&G who wrote:
"It is hard to believe that US citizens are okay with their tax money, $7billion of it in fact, being paid to the relatives of 9/11 victims. The American litigious nature seems to only extend to each other, not to foreigners. If they injure a foreigner they are happy enough to pay them money. But when a foreigner kills someone in the US they still expect US citizens to pay for it. I've never seen anything like it."
An insider at the Pentagon has supposedly leaked internal emails regarding the capture which state that the government is "fuming" that Osama has been caught as this means support for the continued occupation of the Middle East will start to decline further. One soldier told us:
"We were never supposed to catch him really I suppose. The American hatred for Osama was one of the only things that was sustaining the support for the occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan. Look at how many wanted us to withdraw after Saddam was caught and hung, Osama was all we had left."
When asked his thoughts on why it took only 48 hours for New York lawyers to find Osama the anonymous soldier continued:
"Lawyers have resources and budgets the military can only dream of!"
Disclaimer: This article is completely false ... except for the parts that are true, but, probably just like the people involved, I can't remember which parts those are, if any, so best to just take the whole thing as nonsense. †