Tony Blair to receive £297,000 in compensation?:
The general figures pushed out by the Labour government inform us that stabbings and other violent crimes are down since they came into power in 1997. But opposition leaders have recently lashed out after Home Office figures pointed to an actual 25% rise in stabbings in the same time period. David Cameron, sporting a new tongue piercing, posted a video on his blog regarding the issue:
"Hi, I'm Dave. This (he reaches into his kitchen drawer) is a knife, and every year more and more people are being attacked with these under the Labour government."
Although the blog entry was completely pointless, vain, factless and self-promoting it did generate some debate on the subject of why a Labour government would read the exact same Home Office statistics completely different to everyone else. The editor of Channel 4's 'Politicalls' spoke to us with their theory on the matter:
"If you subtract all the victims that were stabbed from behind then yes, knife crimes are down. We believe the confusion lies with the government's perception of stabbings. It seems that the majority of Labour MPs do not see anything wrong with stabbing someone in the back."
It appears, though, that this moral blindness evaporates once you are no longer a functioning member of Government. Tony Blair, although estimated to be earning more than £7million a year since stepping down as Prime Minister, has filed a criminal injury compensation claim for 27 individual counts of being stabbed in the back. Claiming that every stab in the back has caused a permanent injury to his character could entitle him to £11,000 for each attack totalling £297,000. A spokesperson for the CICA announced:
"It is unlikely that Mr Blair, despite the obvious evidence of each cited instance of back stabbing, will receive the amounts being suggested by the media. We are reviewing this case thoroughly and some of the awards will most likely be reduced due to several of the stabbings being related."
Disclaimer: This article is completely false ... except for the parts that are true, but, probably just like the people involved, I can't remember which parts those are, if any, so best to just take the whole thing as nonsense. †